Christina Mary

How mauvelous!

2009-06-27T23:23:00.000-07:00

"Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's okay though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation.. so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type.. I'm like, 'hey girl, magenta!' and she's like, 'oh, you mean purple!' and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, 'no - I want magenta!'"

- The legendry (& love of my life), John Mayer

*sigh

2009-05-05T05:17:00.000-07:00

This gets me everytime..

.

2009-04-23T23:27:00.000-07:00

"I am more wicked than I could ever possibly imagine, yet I'm more loved than I could ever dare to dream."

Michaelangelo

2009-04-18T17:20:00.000-07:00

Cry on my tummy and be understanding. You know things like this just don't allow planning. So let me tell you, we're never apart. Boy, you live in my heart. And I still get lonely, but I know we'll be fine because you'll always be mine.

143

2009-04-17T13:36:00.000-07:00

You gotta put the good with the bad, happy and the sad. Will you bring a better future than I had in the past? 'Cause I don't wanna fall back on my face again.

/:

2009-04-11T16:36:00.000-07:00

Worst feeling in the world: someone you love having to get surgery.

My stomach is in knots. I really, really hate this. If you're so inclined, please pray.

all hail the queen

2009-04-11T16:25:00.000-07:00

Girls can wear jeans and cut their hair short, wear shirts and boots, 'cause it's okay to be a boy. But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading, 'cause you think that being a girl is degrading. But secretly, you'd love to know what it's like, wouldn't you? What it feels like for a girl..

6

2009-03-30T00:23:00.000-07:00

This heart didn't come with instructions.

/

2009-03-26T13:54:00.000-07:00

No, life cannot be understood flat on a page. It has to be lived; a person has to get out of his head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers, has to stand in an empty desert and whisper sonnets under his breath ... We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax, and resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?

take my hand, we'll make it i swear

2009-03-22T14:20:00.000-07:00

We've got to hold on to what we've got. It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not. We've got each other and that's a lot for love.

i've got a city love

2009-03-16T21:28:00.000-07:00

From the battery, to the gallery, it's the kind of thing you only see in scented, glossy magazines. And I can't remember life before his name.

just my luck.

2009-03-13T21:26:00.000-07:00

Black Angus couldn't pay their rent anymore, & now, I'm out of a job.
No notice, no warning, just done. Unemployed. Awesome. Any suggestions on where I should work?

thank god.

2009-03-09T03:47:00.001-07:00

please read.

2009-03-03T17:06:00.000-08:00

I strongly urge you to go and buy every Rosie Thomas CD in existence. She's marvelous! I've been so in love with this song for as long as I can remember, but today, it just felt better. Every time I hear it, I just want to hop in my car and leave. It's amazing how perfectly she describes like my every desire in this one song. So, I've provided you with the lyrics, which I really, really, REALLY want you to read. They'll touch your heart, I promise. (: AND, AND, AND, if you go here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hhYDrV3tnA

You can here Miss Thomas actually sing it herself.! I love how sweet and innocent her voice is when she talks. But boy, when she sings, it's amazing! Okay, enough jibber jabbering, GO WATCH THE VIDEO, and sing along if you want too:

"So much for love, I guess I've been wrong. But it's all right 'cause I'm moving on. I've got my car all packed with cassette tapes, and sweaters, and loose change, and cheap cigarettes. I'm gonna drive through the hills with my hand out the window and sing till I run out of words. I'm gonna stop at every truck stop, make small talk with waiters and truck driving men. I'm gonna fall asleep in the back seat with no one around but me and my friends. It's gonna be so grand. It's gonna be just like my wedding day.

Yeah I've had enough of love, it feels good to give up, so good to be good to myself. I'm gonna get on the highway with no destination, and plenty of vision in mind. And I'm gonna drive to the ocean, go skinny dipping, blow kisses to venus and mars. I'm gonna stop at every bar and flirt with the cowboys in front of their girlfriends. It's gonna be so grand. It's gonna be just like my wedding day.

So much for love, I guess I've been wrong but it's all right 'cause I'm moving on. I'm gonna drive over hills, over mountains, and canyons, and boys that keep bringing me down. I'm gonna drive under skyline and sunshine, drink good wine in vineyards, and get asked to dance. I'm gonna be carefree and let nothing pass my by, never ever again. It's gonna be so grand. It's gonna be just like my wedding day."

whisper words of wisdom

2009-02-27T20:07:00.000-08:00

I tend to forget about my tattoos, a lot of the time.

But every once in a while, I look at one of them, and it hits me again why I got it. This week, it's my music notes. (:

Thank you, John Paul Ringo & George for helping me realize:

"There will be an answer," & now, I'm letting it be..

cheers!

2009-02-20T00:14:00.000-08:00

So, I realized that it's been a while since I've actually written something (other than a quote, or song lyrics) on here. Well, here you go..

Let's update you a little on my life, shall we?

1.) School sucks. It's basically one giant ball of stress, and I just want to drop out and spend my life driving around the country, EXPERIENCING life. But I doubt that'll happen any time soon, blah blah blah. Oh well, at least Sarah (my better half) is in all my classes w/ me. She's like my sanity 95% of the time. Even though she stresses out worse than I do, we tend to bring a balance to each other's lives. And I love her. Oh, and I love seeing Bethany everyday. Girl, without our smoke breaks, I don't know how I'd survive. (:

2.) Work sucks. Have I mentioned how much I hate Black Angus? If it wasn't for the people I work with, I would have peaced out a LONG time ago. I hate that it's like the hot spot for the people at Leisure World. Don't get me wrong, I love old people. But come on, it's really not fair for me to work my butt off for that two dollar tip. Oh, and then you brought your coupon?! Wonderful! There goes more money. Ahh, I complain too much. I've developed this new philosophy of not letting myself get stressed out while I'm there. So far, it's been working out for me, but we'll see how long that lasts. I hate, hate, hate that people go out to eat and expect their server to be their slave. NOT COOL! And if you take anything from this post, let it be this: be nice to your servers, they're probably working their butt of, & those couple dollars you tip them make all the difference.

3.) The love life, surprisingly, does not suck. I've developed a crush on a lovely young fellow. His name is Mike. (Oh! Get this, his middle name's Angelo. Hahaha, Michael Angelo! How awesome is that?!) He makes me smile. The only down side is, he lives like 3,000 miles away. But we text each other every single day, so it makes up for that. (: And I am THRILLED that I get to see him in a couple weeks. Hello spring break in Jersey! Ha, I never thought I'd be excited about something like that, but I am.

3 & 1/2.) I want to tell you the cool part about Mike. Yes, we've established the fact that we like each other. But since neither of us have ever done the long distance thing, we decided to take it slow. And so, when we text (all day, every day), we're basically just learning each other. And I love it, because he's become one of my best friends. When something happens, he's the first person I want to tell. And he's got my sense of humor. You know, making stupid jokes that NO ONE else thinks are funny. (: The best part is, even if nothing ever becomes of us, I'll be fine. I've gained an amazing friend that I never want to do without. I don't think I could ask for anymore.

4.) Everything else? Well, it's been okay. I go through my phases. I'm sure drinking isn't helping anything. I always end up posting mean, spiteful bulletins on myspace, but hay! Who really cares? But yeah, for the most part, I've been good. I really can't complain that much about anything in my life. I've been blessed beyond belief, and I feel like I'm growing up more and more everyday. All the things that I had been struggling with the past couple months, have found a way of working themselves out, and that's awesome. I'm going to quote a country song right now, but it fits: "Even with all the wrong turns that I've made, I'm right where I'm supposed to be." And it's true! I couldn't have screwed my life up any more, trust me. But God is good, and He's made my life happy again.!

So, in standard Christina fashion, I must end with a quote. Come on now, what did you expect? It really just sums up my life, and everything else, perfectly though. And I love it, so here you go:

"It's not pain. It's laughing with your friend at a time when you shouldn't. It's the sweat in your palms wanting to know someone you see, and the pit in your stomach when they actually see you. It's being touched by hands that aren't your own. It's the thrill of an escape that almost wasn't. It's the embarrassment you feel, naked for the first time. It's helping a friend find something they lost. It's a smile, a joke, a song. It's what someone does that they like doing. It's what someone does that they like remembering. It's the thinking of things you may never do, and the doing of things you may never have thought. It's the road ahead, and the road behind. It's the first step, and the last one, and every one in between, because they all make up the good life."

favorito.

2009-02-15T01:54:00.000-08:00

"It would hit them sooner or later - life isn't happily ever after and golden sunsets and shit like that. It's work. The person you love is rarely worthy of how big your love is. Because no one is worthy of that and maybe no one deserves the burden of it, either. You'll be let down. You'll be disappointed and have your trust broken and have a lot of real sucky days. You lose more than you win. You hate the person you love as much as you love him. But, shit, you roll up your sleeves and work - at everything - because that's what growing older is."

*sigh

2009-02-03T18:43:00.000-08:00

I wish I was more like Princess Di. She was so poised, so elegant, so compassionate. And people adored everything about her, even though she had such a dark side. I admire this woman more than anything..

Now please, enjoy some of my favorite things that she said:

"Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you."

"I think the biggest disease the world suffers from in this day and age is the disease of people feeling unloved. I know that I can give love for a minute, for half an hour, for a day, for a month, but I can give. I am very happy to do that, I want to do that."

And my personal, all-time favorite:

"They say it is better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable, but how about a compromise like moderately rich and just moody?"

(: (: (:

Till Kingdom Come

2009-02-01T00:45:00.000-08:00

Hold my head inside your hands, I need someone who understands. I need someone, someone who hears. For you I've waited all these years.

1, 2, 3, 4,

2009-01-25T23:14:00.000-08:00

Moments like this make life worth living.

Filipino.

2009-01-18T17:33:00.001-08:00

Oh so happy, happy.

Landslide.

2009-01-17T03:08:00.000-08:00

It's funny how you can be so discouraged and upset one minute, and then forget all about your problems the next. Ha, I don't think I'd want it any other way though. I live for those moments that overwhelm you with good, warm, happy feelings. The ones where nothing else in the world seems to matter. (:

Lately, I've been either a) stressed out & hating life or b) depressed b/c my life has changed so drastically in the past.. 2 years or so? Looking back, I admit there are times I wish I could relive. But that's when those great moments come along. They remind me that there's nothing better than right now.

All the good AND bad times in my past have made me who I am, and I owe them everything. There's just no use looking behind me anymore. I know what happened, but my life doesn't need to be stuck on repeat. Things can only go up from here!

& trust me, they're already starting tooooo. (:

Sometimes,

2009-01-11T23:55:00.000-08:00

I just feel like screaming.

FINALLY!

2009-01-07T18:56:00.001-08:00

Chloe Linnea Targos was born at 2:56 (Hawaii Time) !!!!!!!!!
And she was 9 lbs 1.6 oz, 19 & 1/4 inches long, and she is gorgeous.
I all ready love her more than anything.<3

YAY YAY YAY I'M AUNTIE TINA.

Nova Scotia.

2009-01-07T11:47:00.001-08:00

This will all make perfect sense someday,

There's got to be a reason for the rain.

Oh nine.

2009-01-02T20:17:00.000-08:00

This new year represents my own personal milestone - a year of being single!

I think this has been the greatest year of my life. I've learned so much about myself, about other people, about what I want and don't want. I've grown up a WHOLE lot. I've finally reached the point where I'm okay with being alone. And I'm so excited because 2009 is just full of possibilities for me to grow as a person.

This year is going to be all about me - my job, my education, my well-being, and my heart. No more living to make everyone around me happy. And no more wasting time on boys who are certainly undeserving! So keep your drama far from me, I plan on making this year unforgettable!

(Side note: I also decided to become a vegetarian.)

Our song is the way you laugh.

2008-12-30T02:50:00.001-08:00

There you are on your knees, begging for forgiveness, begging for me.

Just like I always wanted, but I'm so sorry..

'Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale, I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well.

This is a big world, that was a small town, there in my rearview mirror disappearing now.

And it's too late for you and your white horse to catch me now.

Stupid girl, I should have known, I should have known...

Clayton.

2008-12-28T17:43:00.000-08:00

Do you ever get the feeling that we started in the middle? Or have you ever had the sense that we've been lying just a little? I mean, come on, it's not like we've known ourselves that long. And I can't say I really blame you for being bored with the beginning. Always staring at the score to figure out who's barely winning. But don't you know, there is a reason strong moves slow.

And I'm okay if you're okay with wasting time,

But when you trace, you always see the bottom line.

Shellfish.

2008-12-27T18:57:00.001-08:00

Last night I realized, I am selfish.

A good friend of mine and her boyfriend have been staying with me, and when I got home yesterday, I walked into the middle of World War III. It was miserable!

"I loved her!" "He doesn't trust me." "You broke my heart." "Why are you throwing us away?"

So I set off to work, as I usually do, playing Dr. Phil. I talked to them each individually - showed them where they were right, and where they were just being spiteful.

After who knows how long, they came to an agreement and (I'm sure you all are DYING to know the outcome) eventually decided to give it another shot. Woohoo!

Let's start with the back story:

This is not the first time, or the first relationship, where I have been forced to be the mediator.

Don't get me wrong, I love all my friends dearly! But come on.. How healthy can it be to constantly get into massive fights over a tone of voice, or a text message?

I don't know why I always seem to end up in the middle of these things, considering my own personal love life. I can't seem to make anything work out for me, but I can for everyone else.

So this is where the selfish part comes in..

As I was sitting there enjoying my soup & Ritz crackers, and watching my friends tear each other to shreds - it occurred to me, I am selfish.

My heart wasn't in a place of worry, or sadness, or sympathy. I wasn't upset. I, actually, couldn't feel more pissed off!

"Why do I have to constantly fix other people? Why can't anyone stop and try to fix me?!" <-- Actual thought!

I have never felt so guilty! Here I am, watching two people I care about BREAK in front of me, and all I can think about is poor, poor, pitiful me. I am a horrible human being.

That thought haunted me all night long, and I didn't feel the tiniest bit of relief until this morning while I was driving to pick up my one true love. (Japanese Cherry Tea Latte w/ cold milk from Coffee Bean!)

I don't know how, but my radio had been set to Christian music and Chris Tomlin's "Your Grace Is Enough" came on. One line from that song hit me like a ton of bricks! "You use the weak to lead the strong."

Okay, okay God! You got your message through loud and clear. And no, I don't think I would have been listening if everyone around me hadn't been falling apart recently.

But I get it now, or at least I'm trying to. I understand that I'm the weak one, and maybe my broken spirit and vulnerability is a good thing. I really, really wish it wasn't but I guess that's just where I'm at right now.

I know I'll forget this in a couple of days, because well, forgetting the lessons life tries to teach me is what I do best!

Hopefully, I can use this post as a constant reminder of what God's always saying to me, what He's always trying to hammer into my head:

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Happy Christmas.

2008-12-25T22:20:00.000-08:00

Picture, if you will, a giant railroad crossing sign. You know, flashing lights and all. The one's that force you to stop, look, and listen. Now picture that constantly going off in your head.

Well, that's what I've been living with. I've reached the line, and it's unfortunately started to overflow on the people around me. (If you've been around me lately, it's probably been noticeable.) I have filled myself to the brim, and this railroad crossing sign is my mind's final warning before it self-destructs.

In the past few months, I have filled countless notebooks with quotes, lyrics, thoughts, hopes, dreams, struggles. All the things that my brain couldn't process on it's own.

Well, those have taken up all the room in my drawers and there definitely isn't any more room in this little head of mine.

So I've decided to take up blogging! (Ha, I never thought this day would come.) I realize that I'm opening my heart and soul up to strangers, but that's okay. I hope it will bring a sense of comfort, and of braveness.

Deep down, I really think I'm trying to not feel so alone. Cheesy, I know! But come on, a girl is allowed her moments. (:

To welcome my thoughts to the digital age (and to prepare you for future posts), I leave you with the words of Dante:

"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."